Cheryl Shops

Golden Globes fashion report
It's been awhile since I've done a Red Carpet critique, so here are my best and worst (plus honorable and dishonorable mentions) from last night's Golden Globes.

Best
I absolutely adored Girl of the Night Reese Witherspoon's vintage Chanel frock, whose mix of chainmail and '50s debutante chic worked for me. She also accessorized best, with a hot (and supportive) husband.

I'm probably the only person who liked Gwyneth Paltrow's maternity-friendly Balenciaga, and I don't care--the girl takes risks, and she looks great in everything. And if getting knocked up gives you a glow like hers, well...I'll look forward to that in, oh, 10 years or so.

I definitely liked Felicity Huffman's goddesslike dress the best of all the Desperate Housewives' dresses. One could argue that the style was a bit too young for her, but I think she looked beautiful.

My coworkers thought Keira Knightley looked too skinny in her Valentino column dress, but I thought she looked super-chic, especially with the glittery oversized belt.

She may have traded art-house films for dumb action ones, but Kate Beckinsale still knows how to dress, and she looked feminine and sexy in her vintage Dior.

Honorable mention
Sarah Jessica Parker's Rochas gown did not translate well on camera, but drag it to your desktop and lighten it in Photoshop, and you can appreciate the gorgeousness of its tiers upon tiers of delicate eyelash lace.

Maria Bello's dresses are always a bit long on her (does her stylist not know how to hem?), but she manages even to make Elie Saab (a designer I find very mediocre) look hot.

Poor Hilary Swank withstood questions about her separation with grace and dignity, and while the front of her Jean Yu dress was kind of boring, the back was hott with two T's. And I applaud her for wearing an independent designer.

Natalie Portman's vintage Chanel kind of looked like Madonna circa 1984, but with her cute little pixie haircut, it worked.

And I know Emma Thompson's Roberto Cavalli dress didn't quite fit right (she was on the verge of a major wardrobe malfunction if she were to lean forward), but damn, she's got to be in her mid-40s, and she's never looked better.

Worst
I applaud Pamela Anderson's attempt to cover her breasts--in vintage Blass no less--but the dress did not fit and appeared to be choking her. Either take out the DDs or get a custom gown.

It pains me to knock a Marc Jacobs dress, but Anne Hathaway looked like an 8th grader going to her first dance. And I admire her anti-MysticTan stance, but she kind of looked like death warmed over. A little bronzer never hurt anyone, honey.

When Harrison Ford handed Virginia Madsen his drink while he opened the envelope, it was perfect, because she looked just like a cocktail waitress, especially with her boobs pouring out of her dress.

If Heidi Klum keeps wearing dresses like this, I think it's seriously going to undermine her credibility as host of Project Runway. Well, maybe not, but still.

Only Mariah Carey could make Chanel look this trashy.

Dishonorable mention
While I love the color of Evangeline Lilly's Elie Saab gown, I've also seen the exact same cut on Patricia Heaton, Halle Berry, Marcia Clark, and countless other actresses who've worn his gowns over the years. Enough already.

I love Charlize Theron, and I love John Galliano, but I do not love this dress he made for her. It looks like it was made with swatches and remnants.

I applaud Scarlett Johansson for finally wearing a color (i.e., not beige or white) on the red carpet, and it suits her well. However, her breasts are hanging out, and the cut is very conservative, especially for a 21-year-old girl. She needs a new stylist, pronto.

I loved Geena Davis's cheeky acceptance speech, but nothing makes you look more middle-aged than an Escada gown (that applies to you too, Jaime Pressly).

Even though my college boyfriend was obsessed with her, I love Drew Barrymore. It appears that she's put on a little weigh, which is fine, but what is unforgivable is the fact that she did not feel compelled to wear a bra--under a sheer chiffon dress that could have easily accommodated one. Because the only thing that makes you look even more middle-aged than wearing an Escada gown is having your boobs hanging down at your elbows.