Cheryl Shops

America's Next Top Model recap
There was an interesting (and kind of mean) article in the Times on Sunday, about how America's Next Top Model is unrealistic, because all the contestants are too old, too fat, and too American (yes, the world at large really does hate us) to be actual top models. And while this article is clearly, as my coworker AW would say, "yucking my yum," it has a point. Of course, I'm still going to keep watching it forever, but this week's episode of America's Next Top Model was just so exemplary of how the modeling world as portrayed on the show is nothing like the real modeling world. But I did laugh a lot this week, at least. The episode started off with the girls visiting season three winner Eva at a photo shoot for Elle Girl (sponsor alert!). Eva basically gave the girls a big pep talk in her fake, diva-esque way, and that somehow got them all fired up to win. And the girls were irritated with Lisa because while they were all sitting around looking bored, Lisa was (smartly) talking up the stylists and makeup artists. Later that night, Lisa lost a few more fries from her Happy Meal and tried to cheer up the girls by dressing in some incredibly kooky costumes. Right. The next day, the girls got to pick out an "entourage" of stylists and makeup artists who, of course, used (sponsor alert!) Cover Girl cosmetics. (Note to Tyra: the people who get you ready for a photo shoot are your "team"; your "entourage" is a group of hangers-on who, like, come with you to clubs and stuff.) The point of this is that the girls then had to go to a go-see for a walk-on role on (sponsor alert!) UPN's Veronica Mars show. Here's where that "reality/non-reality" thing comes in: Instead of reading lines like one would normally do at an audition, the girls had to make a collage and explain it to the casting director, who, in the real world, would also be hitting on everyone. Lisa was on the verge of tears, which quickly alterted the casting people to the fact that she's bananas, and, happily, Kim won the challenge! (I'm DVRing Veronica Mars as we speak!) The photo shoot, which I'm not going to go into too much detail about, involved screaming, crazy wardrobe, and the guys from MTV's Wildboyz. And when the boyz appeared to be paying too much attention to Nicole, Lisa, eager to grab the spotlight, borrowed one of the guys' stunt diapers and actually peed in it. Did I mention she's bananas? So, at judging, the girls had to pose with stuff and improvise a commercial, which was all very dumb. Then Tyra did one of the cruellest things I've ever seen her do. It was down to Jayla and Nicole at the end, and just as it was beginning to appear that they were both being sent home, Tyra told them they both had to pack their bags because...they were all going to London! Ha! Cue streamers and marching Buckingham Palace guards. Um, right. I thought Kim was going to bitch-slap Tyra. That was really, really cruel. But, hey, the good news is that they're going to London, which actually has a fashion scene (as opposed to, say, South Africa). I was afraid they were going to get sent to some random place like Singapore.

So, next week, the girls gang up on Kim for being a gossip. Um, like Jayla should be so judgmental...